I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
