remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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