that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
