Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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