Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
