Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize