road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
