I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
