I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
