pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
