what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
