i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
