forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
