If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
