i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
