you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
