how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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