she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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