i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
