My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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