I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
