WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
