i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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