Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
