My first STD was from a foam party
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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