What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
