Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you had me at cake vodka
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
