eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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