the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
