he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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