Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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