I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
