I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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