My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh god the rape fog is back!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
