i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
