we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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