I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
