well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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