dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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