Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
