if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
