I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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