just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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