Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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