god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He felt like a one man threesome
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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