Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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