Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
