Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
