Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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