Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
