Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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