It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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