The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
