Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
