this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
