Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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