I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
