I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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