Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
