I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
