The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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