dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
