this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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