I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
