ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
