Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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