I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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