i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
