I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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