it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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