Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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