At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
