you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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