i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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