i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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