census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
are you so shy because you have an std?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
