I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
