we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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