Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
