hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize