Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
