Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
