mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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